Sex and Health

Let's state the obvious: Having sex is fun. But what might be less obvious is that it's also good for you -- mentally and physically. While it's something of a chicken or egg situation to determine the direction of causality -- "Do healthier people tend to have more sex or people who have more sex tend to be healthier?" says Jennifer Bass, head of information services for the Kingsley Institute, there are some studies that link better loving with better living. Read on for the perks for getting busy.

It's Time to Start Sexercising 
While sex will never equal a kickboxing class or a session of strength training, the fact that you're getting some sort of a muscular workout is undeniable. The human body has over 600 muscles and during sex, "we're releasing and contracting all the muscles within the body," says Patti Britton, PhD, author of The Art of Sex Coaching and past president of the American Association for Sexuality Educators. Arms, butt, legs, core muscles -- they're all getting used. And while some positions have better toning payoffs than others, as long as you're putting some effort into it you'll be burning calories from start to (ahem) finish.

A Happier Mood 
Having sex is definitely pleasurable on a physical level, but chemically it has been suggested to elevate mood and reduce depression. The surmised reason, believe it or not: Exposure to semen. A study done by the State University of New York controlled the length of a relationship, amount of sex, time elapsed since last sexual encounter, and use of oral contraceptives to show that women who never used condoms reported better moods and fewer depressive symptoms or suicidal thoughts than those who used condoms. Why? One theory is that vaginal tissue is very absorptive, and semen contains a host of mood-elevating chemicals, like endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin, and prolactin. For women, sex is literally a jolt to your system, and if you're getting it on regularly you might be on cloud nine for quite a while.

A Stronger Immune System 
Orange juice? Check. Flu shot? Check. Sexytime? Check! A study from Wilkes University in Pennsylvania indicated that people having sex one to two times a week had three times as much Immunoglobulin A (a major antibody) in their systems as those having no sex, infrequent sex (less than once a week), or -- a note to your nosy neighbors -- very frequent sex (3 times or more a week). 

Glowing Skin 
Forget your morning swipe of blush and overly expensive face serums. With increased blood circulation and oxygenation of the blood, a post-coital glow means a temporary brighter complexion. But there are longer-lasting beauty benefits of sex, too. An orgasm triggers a rush of endorphins and growth hormones, like DHEA, that help heal damage caused by the sun, smoking, and cortisol buildup, which is associated with the thinning of the skin. In fact, a Scottish study showed that people who have sex every other day look dramatically younger (up to seven to 12 years!) than their compatriots. If your crow's feet are a growing concern, make sure to get some alone time in with your guy -- your face will thank you.

Stress Relief 
In 2010, Brazil's health minister recommended sex (along with other traditional forms of exercise) as a fix for the nation's high blood pressure problems, and he wasn't completely off the mark. Researchers from Scotland have found that people who were sexually active had lower blood pressure when engaged in stress-inducing tasks, such as public speaking, with those only having sex in the last two weeks charting the lowest number. "In part, it's the oxygenation of blood and the focusing of the mind away from negative stressors," explains Britton. "Sex has that magical quality of bringing you into the moment, especially at orgasm, which is a period of time that feels like animated suspension, where your mind and body both go off-grid." 

More Zzz's
Don't take it personal if your guy starts snoring shortly after some quality time between the sheets. That intense relaxation you feel right after climax due to an oxytocin rush can actually make you doze off faster. Big meeting tomorrow? Include an evening romp on your list of prep work for the night before.

A Self-Esteem Boost 
Those after-sex smiles on both your faces are signs of a fun night and also a job well done. "I think when people raise the potential of sexual expression, it boosts their self-esteem and gives them a sense of being attractive, desirable, proficient, and confident," says Britton. "And that carries over into all areas of life." 

A Stronger Relationship 
Here's a perk you'll both enjoy: increased intimacy. A study conducted by researchers at the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina found that among 59 couples, those with more loving physical contact showed the highest amounts of oxytocin. Released both during sex and even while kissing, "oxytocin is the hormone that creates the urge to merge and bond," explains Britton. "There's a surge of it after sex and that's where the desire to cuddle and hold each other comes from." "Solo sex, or sex with someone who you're not in love with can still be pleasurable, but neither fulfills the emotional needs to the extent that sex with someone you care about can," says Marta Meana, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and president of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. So while you're still getting the release of oxytocin during masturbation, the pair-bonding aspect may manifest itself more in feelings of generosity toward others (e.g., baking your girlfriends cookies), rather than impulses to settle down and start knitting baby booties.

Fast Relief from Aches and Pains 
That runner's high you get after finishing your morning loop? Thank for endorphins for that. That breathless, heady haze after some midnight nooky? Thank endorphins for that, too. Right before climax, a wave of oxytocin rushes through your body that in turn releases endorphins, which are similar in structure to opiates and have the same feel-good affect by occupying morphine receptors in the brain. "It's pain relief and pain killing effect," says Britton. Have a headache? Ditch the nap and squeeze in a quickie instead.

Staying Mentally Sharp 
In addition to providing enhanced blood flow to the body, sex also increases blood flow to the brain, delivering an extra boost of glucose that it uses as energy. So, if you've got a buildup of e-mails to read or really want to finish your crossword puzzle, sex might just be the jump-start you need. Afternoon delight, anyone?

Make It Last Longer

The average guy lasts only 5 to 10 minutes during sex, and 71 percent of men want better sexual endurance. Use these strategies and ye shall, ahem, overcome. The average guy lasts only 5 to 10 minutes during sex, and 71 percent of men want better sexual endurance. Use these strategies and ye shall, ahem, overcome. 

Master Masturbation Masturbate with a woman's orgasm in mind, not your own. In other words, take your time: Work up to 15 minutes. Bring yourself close to the point of no return, but don't let yourself ejaculate until time is up. 

Squeeze If you're overheating during sex, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis, focusing the pressure on the urethra—the tube running along the underside of the penis. This pushes blood out of the penis and momentarily represses the ejaculatory response. 

Pinpoint Ejaculatory Inevitability The process of sexual response has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. The trick is to recognize the spectrum of feelings throughout the process. Rate your sexual excitement on a scale of 1 to 10. Try keeping yourself at 7. 

Sexercise A Kegel is an exercise that helps tighten muscles responsible for ejaculatory control. Become familiar with them by cutting off the flow of urine and then starting and stopping it repeatedly. Once you have the exercise down, practice your Kegels anywhere: at your desk, behind the wheel. Tighten your muscles and hold for a count of 10, then release. 

Press, Don’t Thrust Press the end of your penis into her clitoral head. Linger in her vaginal entrance, where the most sensitive nerve endings are. When you do have intercourse, focus on small, shallow movements that penetrate the first 2 to 3 inches of her vagina. 

Show a Little Courtesy Ladies first, gentlemen—and we're talking about more than just holding the door open. When you help her have an orgasm first, it relieves you of some of the pressure to please and the psychological anxiety that feeds into PE. Ask Your Doctor About Prozac A recent study showed that 73 percent of men who suffered from premature ejaculation either were cured or improved after taking 20 milligrams of Prozac a day for a week and 40 mg thereafter. 

Go for a Second Round Shrug off an early emission with some extra attention to her arousal (yes, it means staying awake), then getting back in the saddle. Most men last much longer the second time around. And the more you practice, the longer that first time will last. 

Let Her Climb On When she's on top, your penis is less stimulated. And ask her to go slowly—long and fast thrusting is hazardous to a man's endurance. 

Stop Thinking of Your Orgasm The area of the brain responsible for triggering orgasm is engaged whether you're trying to have one or halt one. The more attention you give it, the more likely it is to arrive. Focus on what's happening now—her silky thighs on your hips, say—and you'll diffuse pleasure throughout your whole body.

Sex Makeover?

Does your sex life need a makeover? Here's your chance to brush up. From sex myths to sexual

etiquette to health-boosting bedroom tips, these are the truths about sex every woman should 

know.

1. He doesn't care if you've shaved

2. Wide beats long every time. If you care at all about penis size (and studies show that women are far more into how penises look than how they're hung), you know that width matters more than length.

3. All the girls are doing it. Masturbating, that is. In a 2004 survey by AARP, nearly half the women between the ages of 45 and 49 said they had taken matters into their own hands in the previous 6 months. And many women have used more than just their hands. In a 2009 survey by the University of Indiana, more than half the respondents had used a vibrator at least once, and nearly one in four had used one in the previous month.

4. He likes the cuddling part, too...and not just because he's half comatose when you snuggle up after sex. During lovemaking, both men and women release the chemical oxytocin—the so-called “cuddle hormone” that helps new moms bond with their babies. So what does than mean for men? Oxytocin boosts their desire for intimacy, along with their feelings of trust, according to a 2008 study by the University of Zurich. And in this case, what's good for the gander is good for the goose.

5. You really can tell a guy's size by his hands. The longer a man's ring finger, the longer his penis, a study by University of Liverpool shows. Both are determined by the amount of testosterone he was exposed to in the womb. If his ring finger is the same size or smaller than his index finger, he received lower levels of testosterone. If it's bigger...watch out!

6. It's worth a try. Variety is the spice of life...and of sex. Whether you do it in a hammock or an airplane; on the kitchen floor or in the shower; dressed in leather or in lace, if it's new, it's improved.

7. Porn is hot. The idea that women take longer to get aroused just isn't true. Show us some skin and we're off and running. In a 2007 study, women who watched porn got turned on as quickly as men did. Using thermal imaging technology, researchers at McGill University in Montreal found that while watching porn, men became fully aroused in 664.6 seconds (11 minutes), compared to women, who took 743 seconds (12 minutes).

8. Say Ohh instead of Ohm. Craving the calm you get from yoga? Go for an orgasm instead. You feel relaxed after climaxing because you were practically brain-dead while you were doing it. Using scans to measure brain activity, researchers from the Netherlands found that women experience no emotions during orgasm—including fear, anxiety and stress. When you're in the throes, there's no worrying about the kids' report cards, the weekly grocery list or the pile of bills on your desk. But it's a chicken and egg situation: The only way to reach orgasm is to clear your head of that stuff to begin with. 9 Yoga Poses for a Steamier Sex Life

9. Faking it: pointless. Showing him what you like: brilliant

10. It's better with your socks on. If your sex life isn't hot, it may be because you're cold. Research from the Netherlands shows that couples with cold feet had a harder time reaching orgasm—only 50% made it. When couples put on socks, the jumped to 80%.

11. Honesty: Not always the best policy. So you've thought about cheating—maybe even stolen a kiss or snuck out for coffee. Should you confess to make up for it? No way. Coming clean only inflicts pain on your partner and damages his sense of trust. If you want to protect him and keep your relationship going, swallow your guilt and keep your mouth shut.

12. Love is in the air... as long as your man doesn't shower after his workout. The musky smell of male sweat can be a real turn-on for women. In a 2007 study from the University of California at Berkeley, the scent of a man boosted women's sexual arousal, mood, heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate. How to Feel Closer in 5 Minutes

13. It's never too late. Even if having sex is something you do only on birthdays and Bastille Day you can always get back on the stick. All you have to do is...have sex. You may have to force yourself at first, but the more you do it, the more you want to do it. Start with once a month, then once a week, and who knows? Maybe you'll be a once-a-day woman.

14. When it comes to how big, how often, how many times in one night, your friends are lying

15. It's the next best thing to being there... but not that many forty-somethings know it. According to a 2004 survey by AARP, only 17% of men and 18% of women between the ages of 45 and 49 had phone sex.

16. Nobody does it better than you. You can lie around waiting for your partner to bring you to orgasm, but you'll get there a lot faster if you take care of it yourself. When women masturbate, they typically climax in less than 4 minutes. When they're engaged in foreplay and intercourse, it can take 20 minutes. Your best bet for a speedy climax: using a vibrator.

17. Fantasy is fabulous. If your regular sex routine is a little stale, invite Johnny Depp and his pirate hat into bed with you. Losing yourself in a sex fantasy spices up the real thing, and boosts your overall sex drive. Sharing certain fantasies can add even more zip. In a 2004 ABC News poll, more than half of all men and women said they talk about their fantasies to boost their sex lives. The most common fantasies? Unexpected sex, threesomes, and sex at work.

18. If you're too tired, it's too bad for him. The best thing about getting older is that you can do—or not do—whatever you want. Say it nicely, and your partner should understand if you've got a headache or you want to watch the Desperate Housewives marathon instead of making love. Unless, of course, the marathon—or the headache—is a weekly event.

19. Size matters—to him. A survey of 50,000 heterosexual men and women showed that the vast majority of women (85%) felt satisfied by their man's size, while nearly half of all men (45%) were unhappy with their package. Let him know he's all you need.

20. He doesn't care if you wear flannel to bed

21. Money isn't everything...but when it comes to sex, it certainly helps. Women who had wealthy husbands or boyfriends reported having more orgasms than those who didn't, according to a 2009 survey by the University of Newcastle in England.

22. Good kissing is a good sign. Studies show that women tend to assess a relationship by how skilled his smooching is. And they're more likely to have sex with a man who does it well

23. Ladies first. You're likely to be eager—if not aching—to give right after you've received. So everyone wins if he gets you off first.

24. Intercourse doesn't cut it. In case you thought you were the only one, you'll want to know that nearly one-third of women don't have orgasms during intercourse. That's because thrusting rarely stimulates the clitoris, our most reliable source for the ultimate pleasure.

25. Less sex means more work. If you're not having sex, what are you doing with your time? Chances are, you're working more. Men and women both turn to work to fill the void when they have sex less than once a week, according to a survey of 32,000 people by the University of Gottingen in Germany. Bo-RING.

26. A little cleavage goes a long way. Do you really think you look hot with your shirt buttoned up to your chin? Or a T-shirt shrouding your tankini? Get over yourself already. You may have stretch marks and spider veins everywhere else, but with the right support, your boobs can still hold their own. So let 'em show, and you'll feel sexier than you have in a long time.

27. Making the first move...is as much a turn-on for you as it is for him.

28. It's not you...it's him. Contrary to popular belief, men aren't always ready and raring to go—especially middle-aged men. Many go through their own form of menopause as their testosterone levels start to drop. After the age of 40, testosterone levels decline approximately 1 percent per year, with a steep drop between the ages of 45 and 50. So if he takes longer or is less gung-ho, go easy on him...and yourself.

29. He doesn't care if you can't quite button your pants

30. His nipples are as much fun as yours. Imagine if your partner never touched your nipples during foreplay or sex. Ignored them entirely. Well, why are you ignoring his? Men's nipples are as important to them as yours are to you. Slightly more than half of the men surveyed in a 2006 study by the University of Sheffield in England said nipple stimulation caused or enhanced their arousal. But only 17% ever asked for it.

31. Nobody wants to hear about it. Spare your friend, sister, college roommate and, especially, your colleague the details of your sex life. It might have been fun to compare notes in your twenties, but as a grown woman, it's embarrassing and just plain gross. Put yourself in their shoes—Do you really want them to picture you and your husband doing it on the roof?

32. Smutty is sexy. Dirty talk (aka "Aural Sex") is a real turn-on for some couples. It can be as clean or raunchy as you both like. Just make sure you know where your partner draws the line between dirty and disgusting.

33. Casual sex isn't for everyone. Brief casual sexual encounters may sound like a kick, but for many women, they're not a great experience. In a 2008 study by the University of Durham in England, only 54% of the women who'd had a one-night stand had positive feelings about it. Surprise, surprise: 85% of men thought it was just dandy.

34. Anything goes. What used to be too "kinky" to contemplate is jolly good if you've finally shed your inhibitions in your old age. What better time to make a sex tape, strip, try a threesome or whatever you've secretly wanted to do? Guaranteed, if it's exciting to you, it will be orgasmic for your mate.

35. The toes have it. Next time you go down on your mate, go way down. If you haven't discovered this already, toes are one of the key erogenous zones for both men and women, along with fingers, earlobes and the back of the knees.

36. He doesn't care if you haven't showered

37. Romance can last forever...or at least for a long time. New research shows that long-term relationships can keep their sexual chemistry, intensity and engagement going strong. If they're missing the passion of short-term relationships, that's probably a good thing, according to a 2009 study by Stony Brook University in California. That means they're also free of anxiety and insecurity.

38. It's not you...it's your hormones. How does perimenopausemess up your sex life? Let us count the ways:

• Your period lasts forever: you bleed like a stuck pig for seven days, and stain for another three
• Your sex drive has shriveled up
• You're as dry as dust
• Your mood swings like a wrecking ball

Still, it could be worse.

39. Marrieds do it more. Believe it or not, if you're married, you're having more sex than single people. That may not be saying much—the average of times that married people have sex is 69 per year. But that's nine more than single people do, according to a 2002 study by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. And by now, you're old enough to know that quality counts more than quantity

40. He thinks you're hot...just the way you are

Thing About Sex

What Is Sex Mean?

Noun (chiefly with reference to people) Sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.

Verb Determine the sex of: "sexing chickens".

Synonyms gender People define “sex” in different ways. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as “sexually motivated behavior.” This sounds right to us. But not everyone agrees with the dictionary or with us. People all have their own definitions of what “sex” and “having sex” means.  For some people it’s only penis-in-vagina intercourse. For some people, it’s only penis-in-anus intercourse (anal sex). For some people, it’s genital rubbing without intercourse. For some people, it includes oral / genital contact. For some, it includes masturbation. The possibilities are many. For most experts like me : ) , it includes all of the above. However you define it, being sexual with another person — whether that means kissing, touching, or intercourse — involves a lot of responsibility.  It’s very important to protect yourself against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. And you need to make decisions about protection before you engage in vaginal, anal, or oral sex. What Is Orgasm? An orgasm is the release of built-up muscle tension resulting from sexual activity. It produces rapid muscle contractions usually in the genital and anal area, but these contractions can also be throughout the whole body. Most people find these muscular contractions very pleasant. At the same time, painkilling chemicals called endorphins are released into the bloodstream, causing intense pleasure and relaxation. You may feel flushed or warm, your heartbeat will race, you will breathe harder, and you'll experience rapid muscle spasms mainly concentrated in the genital and anal areas. In both men and some women, an orgasm is often accompanied with the release of ejaculatory fluid. Ejaculation is much more usual in men than it is in women. Only about 10 percent of women report ejaculating during orgasm. Orgasms can be reached through many different types of sexual activity. Most women are more likely to reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation rather than stimulation of only the vagina. Men tend to reach orgasm more quickly than women, just as men tend to become sexually aroused more quickly than women. On the other hand, women are more likely to have more than one or multiple orgasms during sexual activity than men are. Women’s experience with orgasm is more varied than men’s, and not all women experience orgasm in the same way. There are also many women and men who get great pleasure from sex, whether or not they have orgasms.